Dookies™ in the Pool

I thought that John McCain showed a great deal of courage and insight in choosing Sarah Palin as his runningmate.  Before I go any further, after 8 years of Bill Clinton followed by 8 more of George Bush, I have come to the conclusion that backing either platform is a mistake.  Neither party has all of the answers and what we really need are bi-partisans who care more about serving the people than serving themselves and their cronies.  As a result, I am solidly an independent. 

Forget for a moment what Sarah Palin’s positions are and what her background is.  After having announced his choice for Vice President and being introduced to Sarah Palin, who by most accounts seems like a decent choice, we were introduced to her family.  Sarah and her husband were high school sweethearts, their son is being deployed to Iraq, four other beautiful children including a newborn with Downs Syndrome.  Sounds like an all-American family.  In fact, at first glance, it seemed as if Sarah Palin could identify with the average, middle-class American- a large group that has been given the shaft by both parties for decades. 

A few short days later, we all learned that her teen-aged daughter was pregnant.

Unexpected pregnancies happen every day in this country and throughout most of the world.  This in and of itself should make Sarah & her family even more like yours and mine: we’re fallible and we all make mistakes.

What concerns me is this: Why did we not hear about this unplanned pregnancy and the wedding plans on Friday when her family was introduced to the nation?    Why not announce that a grandchild is on the way?  I admire the fact that the Palin’s are being supportive of their daughter during what must be a difficult time in her life right now.  We can’t blame Bristol and her boyfriend for this situation, they fessed up to the only people that they are responsible to and are preparing to bring their child into the world.

Herein lies the Dookie: Had the Palin’s been upfront about this matter, I’m quite confident that America would have been far more understanding than many are now.  The media frenzy has  been absolutely disgusting.  Although after Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears, we all now know that the media appeals to the lowest common denominator has no credibilty left with people who can actually think logically for themselves.

Instead of bringing a fresh perspective and new ideas, it would appear as if Sarah Palin has quickly learned the deceitful ways of a Washington veteran.

Tags: Dookie People, Dookie Policies // Add Comment »

I experienced an increasingly rare moment of absolute and total lucidity a few days ago. 

I sat through a day-long planning session.  I was online watching and participating when called upon, but not a presenter.  This approach has it’s pros and cons.

On the pro side, remote participants are pretty much tied to their desks so you are compelled to do the things that you know you should do, but that always seem to fall through the cracks.  It allows one to check & answer email and bio-breaks can usually be accomplished without the entire world knowing where you went or what you’re doing. 

On the con side, you can’t really goof off too much because if called upon, you need to know what’s going on.  The web cam doesn’t show the entire meeting room so you don’t always know who’s talking and finally, you can’t always hear everything that’s said.

Nevertheless, as the meeting droned on into the afternoon, I listened to everyone’s great ideas and chimed in when called upon and when appropriate–you always want them to know that you’re there.   During one particularily self-serving presentation by a self-absorbed bore, I snapped to attention when this person said “When all is said and done…”.   Of course, I have absolutely no idea what came next as he mercifully attempted to summarize and end his presentation because at that very moment it became clear to me what the problem is at many organizations: Far more is said than is ever done.

How many meetings have you attended where lofty goals and ideals are bandied about in order to impress one’s peers and more importantly, to impress one’s superiors?  A soon as everyone returns to their offices, it’s back to business as usual.

Anyone can talk-the-talk, far fewer seem to be able to walk-the-walk.  In essence, it all comes down to an organization’s ability to execute their strategy.  It seems as if ’strategy’ is where it’s at.  People embrace their strategy, they internalize their strategy, they personalize their strategy.  What about tactics?  How is that strategy going to be implemented?

Here comes the Dookie: This presenter told everyone what he wanted his strategy to be and everyone seemed to think it was a good idea.  The ‘how’ ended up being the missing link. 

A strategy without tactics is merely a dream. 

And about my increasingly rare moments of absolute and total lucidity, I don’t suffer from dementia or anything, it’s just that when I was younger, I was under the impression that I and I alone saw everything clearly and had all of the answers.  I’m now wise enough to know that wisdom will always be just beyond my reach.

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Yes, that is the actual headline of an article on CNN.com and to my knowledge, the photo above has not been photoshopped. 

Let’s see… gays are now marrying each other in a number of states which is fine, Paris Hilton’s energy policy not only actually makes sense, it’s better than those put forth by either Barack Obama or John McCain and a ‘Mega-Preacher’s’ wife is being sued for elbowing a flight attendant in the left boob. 

In a world that has seemingly gone mad, Dean Peterson can’t get relief from the chaffing caused by the interaction between his regulation USPS uniform and his genitals?  The Scots have been wearing kilts for how long?  Sure, I’ll admit nobody really looks cool wearing a kilt except for maybe Sean Connery, but what’s the big deal if this guy wants to wear a kilt to deliver the mail?  So what?  He’s not hurting anybody so why not allow him some relief?

Dean Peterson used much of his $1,800 stimulus check to mail about 1,000 letters and photographs of himself wearing a prototype Postal Service kilt to union branches across the country.  Unfortunately, it was all for naught as his proposal was defeated during his union’s recent convention.   

I don’t know if Mr. Peterson will ever get to wear a kilt while delivering the mail but I don’t think that his chances are very good.  Why you might ask?  Because Mr. Peterson doesn’t represent a vocal minority. 

I’m not a bigot in any way, shape or form.  I believe that everyone should be treated with the same level of dignity and respect regardless of their race, gender, sexual orientation, culture, beliefs or religion. 

I do have an issue when people manipulate their status in order to receive unneccesary special treatment at the expense of everyone else.

I strongly suspect that if Mr. Peterson were gay or a transsexual, transgender etc. he could claim some form of discrimination or EEOC violation and be permitted to wear his kilt to work, and rightly so.  The fact that I point this disparity out and because Mr. Peterson probably isn’t gay or a transexual or transgender person, I’m labeled as being insensitive or worse.

I believe that if he were a member of a visible minority, he’d be able to claim that his wearing a kilt was some sort of tribal or other ritual dating back several hundred years–and ultimately would be permitted to wear his kilt to deliver the mail.  A number of years ago in Toronto, Sikhs who were hired by the Toronto Police Service fought for and won the right to wear turbans while on duty.  Again, no problem here.  The fact that I point this disparity out and because Mr. Peterson is not a member of a visible minority, I’m labeled a racist.

Recently in the Town of Ramapo, Rockland County, New York, the Ramapo Police hired an orthodox Jewish woman as a police officer.  Great!  A little multiculturalism and diversity is good for community policing.  Except that despite her having apparently agreed to be available to work on Friday evenings and Saturdays as well as stating that she’d obtain special dispensation from her rabbi to work those days if hired, she has been given a free pass to have those days off.  No problem here except…

…I know Christian police officers who have been on the job for more than 10 years who have never been given Christmas off.  Because I had the audacity to point this inconsistency out I’m sure to be labeled an anti-Semite.

To make matters worse, the town supervisor recently criticized a Ramapo Police Officer who had an orthodox Jewish woman remove her wig for a mugshot saying “Ramapo police are trained to respect religious and cultural beliefs and the officer should have known the religious nature of the wig. He has ordered new programs in police sensitivity training”. 

Apparently respecting the religious and cultural beliefs of Ramapo Police officers is not a consideration here.

Pretty slick–this woman transformed herself from a criminal to a victim just like that.  No mention of the fact that this woman was being charged with a felony and quite frankly, I wonder how many other women, African American, Christian, Hispanic etc. have had to remove their wigs, hats, burkas etc. for a mugshot when being charged with a felony and have not had the town supervisor publicly pander come to their aid?

This issue of people manipulating their minority status in order to receive unneccesary special treatment at the expense of everyone else has been around long before the Politicaly Correct folks showed up imposing their beliefs on the rest of us.  Again this represents a vocal minority imposing on the freedoms of the rest of us. 

We have the right to our race, gender, sexual orientation, culture, beliefs and religion, but our race, gender, sexual orientation, culture, beliefs and religion shouldn’t give us special rights at the expense of others.

Tags: Dookie Policies // Add Comment »

We just got back from 8 days in the great State of Maine.  The weather wasn’t great but who cares?  The sea air, rugged coastline, fantastic seafood and great people easily make up for lousy weather. 

To make life even better, Maine is also home to one of the finest, most creative bread bakeries I’ve ever come across… “When Pigs Fly”. On this recent trip I purchased Six grain and pumpkin seed, baby spinach & garlic focaccia and banana, pecan, maple and brown sugar bread.  This blog isn’t about When Pigs Fly but I’ll make a note to address this Dookieless business later.  If you can’t wait, visit their website at www.sendbread.com.  In my humble opinion, there are very few Dookies in the State of Maine. 

I’m not so sure about their neighbor to the immediate south.

In order to drive to Maine from any other State, one must travel through New Hampshire; in our case up I-95 for approximately 16 miles.  It would appear that New Hampshire has never met a traveller ‘just passing through’ that they weren’t willing to stick it to and no, I’m not talking about the $1.50 toll everyone pays in order to cross the 16 miles between the Massachussetts border and the Maine border.  This 16 mile stretch of highway  is far more notorious for their ticketing practices. 

For about 14 miles of the 16 mile stretch, there is a grass median separating the northbound from the southbound lanes.  Look closely and provided the grass hasn’t recently been mowed, you’ll see dozens of pairs of tire tracks across the median.  The New Hampshire State Police have a nasty habit of crossing from north to southbound and vice-versa in pursuit of revenue.

On a recent trip home from Maine, we witnessed 12 troopers on I-95.  They had set up a minivan on the northbound side, under an overpass with the rear hatch open.  A trooper was sitting on the rear bumper aiming his radar gun at oncoming cars just as they rounded the bend.  Just beyond the minivan sat the other troopers in cruisers just waiting to pounce.  Meanwhile in the driver’s seat, yet another trooper aimed his radar gun at southbound traffic and had troopers waiting to hit their quota as well.

As you approach the toll, the speed limit drops to 35 MPH about a half mile before you get to the toll.  Many times I’ve seen cars pulled over in the toll area for speeding as they decelerated to pay the toll.

Now I have absolutely no problem if a policy is designed to keep everyone safe while acting as a deterrent.  What I do have a problem is with the fact that this is more about revenue generation and less about safety.

About two years ago, I had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of a speeding ticket in New Hampshire.  Admittedly, I was travelling at a speed higher than the posted limit of 65 MHP.  I was not going in the low 90’s as the trooper had claimed.  In the past on the rare occasion when I had received a ticket, I mailed in the payment and went about my business.  This ticket really bother me because there was no way I was travelling at anywhere near 90 miles an hour. 

Prior to my mandatory court appearance, we visited Maine once again. (cruise control set at 63 MHP through NH) I took this opportunity to drive about 110 miles in order to sit in the court room to see what would happen and what chance I might have fighting the ticket.  During my interactions with the clerk’s office, I came to realize what a finely tuned revenue generator New Hampshire has in operation.  If you were issued a ticket by the State Police, your court date would be on a Thursday at 8:30am.  Each issuing agency has their own time and date which makes life much easier and much more organized for their shakedown. 

What happened was absolutely astonishing.  The court doors were opened at 8:00am and court was due to start promptly at 8:30am.  I sat quietly in the back as people began to arrive.  The troopers also began to arrive as well.  As they came in, each trooper said hello to the clerk and was given their stack of tickets for that day. 

The troopers then called people one-by-one out of the court room and took them into conference rooms.  Deals were cut, fines reduced in return for guilty pleas and upon returning to the court, the trooper informed the clerk that Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So had agreed to plead guilty to a lesser whatever and would pay a fine of $XXX.XX.  Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So then left the court, paid by cash, check or credit card and went merrily on their way albeit with less cash that they had when they had arrived.  By 9:00am the judge had not yet appeared and there were a few lawyers and two DUI defendants left in the court with me.  I counted over $4,000 in revenue based only on what I had actually overheard and I didn’t hear what everyone had agreed to pay.  At this point I left too.  No use in not being able to watch traffic court because nobody was left to attend traffic court was there? 

Perhaps I’m naive but I thought that the troopers were the witnesses for the State and that the prosecutors’ job was to cut deals in return for guilty pleas.  Not so in New Hampshire, in fact I haven’t been able to get anyone to explain this phenomena to me yet, either. 

Of course to make a long story short, when I had to go back for my traffic court date, the same thing happened.  I paid a fine, got no points and no license suspension.

Somebody, somewhere came up with this revenue scheme and others supported it as a good idea.  Therein lies the Dookie.  I have no problem if I get a ticket and have to pay a fine if a fair an equitable process is in place.  I have no problem if in the interest of public safety, the police are out to get people to slow down.  I do however have a real problem when traffic ticket issuance becomes a manipulated, anticipated revenue source.

We are brought up to respect and trust law enforcement but the experience in New Hampshire has really shown that power can and is being abused in the quest for revenue.  But then again, what should we expect from a State that offers an in-service video for law enforment training entitled “Selling the Traffic Ticket–How to Avoid Unnecessary Court Appearances.”

Oh and should you decide to visit the Great State of Maine, set the cruise control to 64 MPH for at least 16 miles of your journey.  You’ll save gas while depriving New Hampshire of their pound of flesh.

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I don’t know how I missed this one, but I’ll admit, I did.  At the Koreannovation trade show in New York, J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. unveiled the ‘Mega Quake Prime’.  This machine claims to provide a full body workout equivalent to 100 minutes of weight training while standing on the platform and being vibrated for just 15 minutes.

I can just imagine standing on the Mega Quake Prime, watching Oprah as the pounds vibrate effortlessly away while eating a bag of cheesy poofs.  No, the cheesy poofs should not be an issue if we apply some basic math: 

Oprah is a 60 minute program and 60 minutes is 4 times as long as 15 minutes.  If the company’s claims are to be believed,  one can reasonably expect to get the equivalent of 400 minutes of weight training during The Oprah Winfrey Show.  (100 minutes x 4 times as long as 15 minutes) 400 minutes of course is the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes.  I’m quite confident that eating a bag of cheesy poofs will be more than offset by the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes of weight training. 

Based on the comments I’ve seen around the Internet, the Mega Quake Prime might just be somewhat difficult to sell to the skeptical American marketplace because in short, despite the Mega Quake promises to become the lazy person’s dream come true,  I’m quite confident that showing up, standing around and doing nothing with or without a giant vibrator will not make you look like Arnold in his prime.

What most amazes me about this story is that a group of highly paid executives sat in a conference room somewhere in Korea and decided to devote the company’s time & resources to develop this product.  Did anyone in that room secretly believe that developing a giant vibrator might not be the best way to utilize the company’s assets?  I’ve just got to believe that at least one person felt this way and yet still didn’t have the courage to shout “DOOKIE IN THE POOL” at the top of their lungs and then explain their thoughts to everyone else.

On the other hand, there is the slight possibility that I could be wrong in my assessment.  Perhap this giant vibrator could be the answer to our prayers! 

Because of this slimmest of all possibilities, I’m going to throw down a challenge: 

If J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. really believes in their product, I’d be more than willing to use their machine everyday for 60 days and forgo cheesy poofs and all other salty, fat laden snacks for this same period.  I might actually commit to eating a salad once or twice as well but may shy away if asked to put the salad part in writing. I will however be willing to video tape my progress each day and post it on Youtube.  If at the end of the 60 days, the product works as advertised and my fat ass is slimmer, I will work out on this contraption in Times Square for a day.  If it doesn’t work as advertised,  J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. admits that their giant vibrator was a Dookie in the Pool and agrees to buy my fat ass a gym membership. Sound fair enough?

I’m going to email a link to this post to the company as soon as this is published.  Something tells me that

1. I won’t get and answer to my challenge

2. The only answer to getting into shape is actually going to the gym, and using a membership that I end up paying for myself. 

Stay tuned for updates and please pass the cheesy poofs.

Tags: Dookie Companies // 1 Comment »

This is great.  Once again, the airlines find that they are losing money.  Apparently, this time rising fuel prices are to blame.

I really wonder why nobody in the executive ranks at all of these companies had the forsight to hedge rising fuel costs.  Cereal companies hedge the cost of their raw materials namely the grains, corn etc., that goes into the products that they make.  Haven’t the folks at the airlines caught on yet?

What truly makes this scary is that it would appear that almost all of them are losing money.

American Airlines is by one estimate, losing almost $3.5 million a day.  Ticket prices have risen 6% while jet fuel prices have risen more than 92% over the past year.  Clearly something has to give.

What would happen if market-rate fuel surcharges were added?  Would people fly less?  Perhaps, perhaps not.

If people flew less as a result of the higher fuel surcharge, planes would probably fly closer to their capacity and fewer flights would be needed. 

If people flew the same amount as they did before the spike, airline fuel bills would be covered and there would be a little left over for profit–a pretty simple concept.

With recent price spikes for flour, my local bakery, bagel shop and pizza place have all raised prices and apologized for having to have had to do it.  These businesses aren’t charities, they simple need to earn a profit for all of their value-added labor.  I don’t like the higher prices but as a consumer, I know that if local retailers aren’t making money, they tend to close up shop fairly quickly and it’ll cost more in terms of time, money and quality to go to another store.

What I don’t understand is why major airlines, with legions of seemly intellegent people working for them, can’t make this concept work as well.

Something tells me that Chapter 11 is in the future for some, mergers for others. 

At some point someone needs to yell “Dookie in the Pool!  What we’re doing isn’t sustainable so we’ve got to try a rather novel concept for an airline, we’re going to try to make sure that our revenues exceed our expenses” 

Unfortunately history is a pretty good indicator so I’d suggest that more of the same is on the horizon.  I hope they’ll let me transfer my airline mikes.

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Driving home from the Robert Plant/Allison Krause concert last night with my wife, I spotted a car with ‘IMSMART’ on the vanity license plate. 

This plate got me thinking.  In fact I thought about the possible implications of having such a plate all the way home as my wife dozed off next to me.

Now, I don’t know if the person behind the wheel of this particular car is smart.  They may be.  They may not be, who’s to know? 

If they really are smart, why do they feel the need to tell everyone? 

If they aren’t smart, are they trying to cover up this fact?  If so, wouldn’t their friends and neighbors realize this and point it out or perhaps gossip amongst themselves?

“Hey Fred?  Remember the time you set the dog on fire trying to light the Barbeque? That wasn’t too smart now was it?” 

“See Mildred, I told you Fred thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.  Now he’s gone out and got himself a license plate that tells the whole world! IMSMART indeed!  That has got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.”

Many of us see hundreds of cars everyday and most likely don’t pay much attention to the license plate. What really got me thinking about this one is the simple fact that I live in New York where drivers are famous or perhaps infamous for ‘communicating’ their feelings for and about other drivers both verbally and through the extensive use of gestures including, but not limited to extending a single digit in the general direction  of motorists who are perceived to possess less than satisfactory driving skills.

With this in mind I thought to myself,  ”Wow!  Talk about setting yourself up for potential ridicule.”  

Can you imagine having an ’IMSMART’ vanity tag and then cutting someone off?  At the next light the offended New Yorker pulls up and has a field day based on your tag alone!  How does one respond?  How can one respond?  I mean, you’ve announced for the whole world to see ‘IMSMART’ and they you did something dumb.

As I made my way home, I thought that perhaps ‘IMDUMB’ might be a much safer choice.  At least if you did something wrong and were accosted by another motorist you could point out that they had ample warning based on your tag.

As I convinced myself that ‘IMDUMB’ might be a better option, I realized that usage of the word ‘DUMB’ would not be politically correct.  Of course I also realized that if you really think that you’re dumb, you might not be too concerned about being politically correct anyway.

Some other adjectives came to mind such as ‘STUPID’.  I’m fairly certain that ‘IMSTUPID’ would do the trick, in fact, it might actually prevent many problems. 

Think about it.  An irate driver would have to pause and wonder “Who would be stupid enough to put “IMSTUPID” on their license plate?  Further more, if they are really that stupid, do I really want to get into an altercation with this person?”  We all do stupid things but maybe, just maybe acting stupid sometimes can actually payoff. 

A better option may have been ‘GETSMART’.  ‘GETSMART’ could imply that the driver of the vehicle is a fan of the popular show Get Smart.  It also implies that one should think about getting smarter and could actually be a good tag for a college admissions person.  What it doesn’t imply is the cursed “I’m smarter than you”.

All things considered, a Dookie in the Pool of “IMSMART.” 

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“I will be out sick on Wednesday 05/21/2008″. 

This was an actual automated response we received from our latest SKAE Learning email blast from one recipient.

The fact that it’s written in the future tense is what really makes this a great email.  Is this person psychic?  Their ability to foretell illness is simply astounding!  (Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve done it myself. I’ve known months ahead of time that I’d be ’sick’ on a particular day although I’ve never actually put it in writing for the anyone with my email address to see.)

Obviously this person may have gone home feeling ill on 05/20/2008.  Perhaps they were able to log in remotely and change the message on their auto attendant.  The Mets are in Atlanta and the Yankees have a night game today so we know that they weren’t at a game.  In truth, this really could be a legitimate illness.

The Dookie™ lies in that perception is everything.  A superior or irate customer on the receiving end of this automated response may not see the humor.  If they fail to give it much thought other than obviously (we hope) realizing that an error was made, our sick friend has a problem on their hands and some explaining to do when they return to work.

At the very least, what is most likely an honest error shows a lack of attention to detail on the part of the ’sender’.   This is a prime example of someone dropping a Dookie™ into their own Pool.  It’s somewhat embarrassing and most definitely preventable.  After having a chuckle, we can all learn from the misstakes mistakes of others.  My Advice: A little extra attention to detail if you’re really sick or learn to cover your tracks better if you’re really goofing off.

By the way **** *********, I hope you’re feeling much better tomorrow. 

Tags: Dookie People // 1 Comment »

Back in 1996, Nabisco reviewed their product portfolio and decided to eliminate approximately 400 products. One of the products that met its demise was the Crown Pilot cracker.

Most people might not care about a cracker being discontinued especially since it is a regional product. Mainers strongly disagreed. A woman named Donna Damon rallied the Crown Pilot faithful and launched a protest that made its way to The New York Times, Boston Herald, San Francisco Chronicle, The Baltimore Sun, The St. Petersburg Times, Yankee Magazine, Christian Science Monitor, Charles Osgood on CBS radio and many more media outlets.

Nabisco relented and with great fanfare shipped the crackers from Boston to Portland on a ferry, gave out boxes of the crackers and served chowda (chowder to everyone outside New England) to those in attendance.

Apparently Nabisco’s parent Kraft may be ready to take on the New Englanders once again. Sandra Oliver recently wrote an article in the Working Waterfront/Inter-Island News that has the locals ready to take action once again.

A food writer spoke with Ms. Oliver about how to make chowder. (I’d love the recipe if available) The food writer then called Nabisco. The person at Nabisco apparently asked the food writer not to mention the Crown Pilot Cracker because the company had no interest in promoting said cracker.

Of course the food writer relayed this news to Ms. Oliver and the alarm was sounded, rightly so I might ad.

What could possibly be going on here? Perhaps Kraft is once again reviewing their product portfolio and determining what to keep and what should go. One can only assume that at some point someone at Kraft/Nabisco would yell “Dookie in the Pool™” and remind the powers that be of the Great Cracker Controversy of 1996.  If they really want to kill this product, New Englanders will I’m sure, once again fight the battle. Could this possibly be another attempt at free publicity?

Quite frankly, if Kraft/Nabisco were to come out and publicly announced that there was no intention to pull this regional favorite, the company would garner publicity from those consumers who matter most–their New England customers and would also generate a great deal of goodwill amongst Pilot Cracker lovers. 

I’m quite interested to see how this plays out.  I’d expect to see an all out brawl from the folks in New England.  Kraft/Nabisco certainly has a tremendous amount of financial and PR clout but should they decide to kill the cracker, I’d put my money on our neighbors in New England.

Tags: Dookie Companies // 1 Comment »

I’ve worked at a number of companies where it seemed as if the IT department ran the entire show.  The tail wags the dog at these companies and nobody seems to know why nor does anyone ever stand up and yell “Dookie in the Pool™”.  Judging from the emails I get, this must be a recurring theme at a lot of companies.  One writer tells of working at a company with an N-O department.  Any and all IT requests however trivial, were initially met with an N-O.

In January of this year a certain company had moved locations.  All new furniture, computers, telephones etc.  Some of the software systems were upgraded as well.   In mid-March, one of the sales managers could no longer access the telephone accounting system software; the system responsible for logging inbound and outbound telephone calls, talk time etc. 

One would assume that a simple call to IT would fix the problem as the error message indicated a server connection issue.  The “IT guy” who works out of a different location (quite possibly for personal safety reasons), blamed the issue on the software vendor and refused to even log in remotely to see first hand what the issue was. 

What’s a sales manager to do?  Call the software vendor about an internal server connectivity problem of course!  The software vendor was very supportive (pun intended).  More than a week later after a great deal of troubleshooting, the issue was still not resolved. 

Fortunately the “IT guy” shows up in the office and gets conned into stopping by the sales managers’ office.  Guess what?  He can’t log into the application either and gets the exact same error message a full two weeks later!

The software vendor is called yet again.  This time they get software engineers involved on conference calls, they provide what I’m quite sure was great advice given the unknown nature of the problem; try this, try that and try everything under the sun.  Still, nobody could access the application.

 In early April, in the midst of one of these support phone calls, someone at the software company (probably an underpaid smart person that most people don’t normally listen too) yells “Dookie in the Pool™” (not exactly but close enough)  ”Wait a minute, your CFO cancelled the service with us on March 14th”.

A copy of the letter was faxed over and sure enough the CFO had indeed cancelled the service on March 14th, agreeing to pay the current invoice as well as the final invoice.

Of course nobody at this company bothered to check to see if the new software application had been installed and was up and running before they cancelled the contract on the old application and set into motion hours upon hours of wasted time and effort.

I hope that the final invoice is a real doozie in order to compensate for a real Dookie™. 

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